The Tick Vs The Not Quite Sitting Ducks
by one eyed nemesis
Summary: The City is being held hostage by hockeystick wielding ducks, The Tick and Arthur have their hands full if they intend to stop the feathered fiends. Feel free to review.
1. Chapter 1: Back fowl brethren!

"Arthur, we should be on patrol, not searching for rations with which to stuff our guts! Hurry, even as we speak foul deeds are being perpetrated by very foul,that means bad, people. Come. Onward The City must be defended." 

"Calm down Tick, we need to buy food if we are going to eat dinner, ohh stop pouting Tick, go look at the spoons." Arthur pointed.

"Ohhhh... shiny." The Tick moved to the next aisle as if swimming through the air

"Oh, that Tick, sometimes he gets out of hand. Good thing I can always find something to distract him." Arthur mumbled.

"Ahhh somebody help !" a deep female and a shrill male voice voice called out. Arhtur spun and stared at the clerk and an older woman being held up by five ducks. One was black while four were pure white, all held large hockey sticks.

"Tick!" Arthur shouted. Without delay The Tick flew out from the aisle and came to Arthur's side. "Tick look."

"Good gravy, feathered creatures committing crimes meant for non-feathered people. What are they thinking?!!"

"Come Arthur, let us do our self-appointed, un-enviable duty. _Spoon!!!"_ The Tick charged like a bull to the front of the store swinging into a head-on collision with a hockey stick. He slid to the ground holding his blue antennas,"Those are sensetive." he mumbled.

"Ohh look at that blue man with the tiny ears.' the woman wailed in horror.

"No that is The Tick!' the man shouted,"he'll save us!"

"That was less than satisfactory." The Tick stood, holding his head.

"Quack.Qua-aack. Qu-Qu-Quaaa-ck" the black duck belched.Suddenly the group of ducks advanced on him.

"Ohh this is unexpected I've been tackled by game. Fear not brothers duck I have no intentions of consuming you. Stop I say, back to the nest from whence you were spawned.Back "fowl-brethren'!"

"Tick, they're not going to stop, fight!"

"Normally I like ducks, they're so cute and 'feathery' with golden beaks, but for hockey stick wielding games, I can make an exception!" The Tick fluyng the ducks off him who shuttled out of the store with a bag of money.

"We've gotta' catch them." Arthur said flying out of the store, followed closely by The Tick.


	2. Chapter 2: oh my duckling Clementine

"Quick we must stop those fiendish feathered fiends!" The Tick shouted as he leapt pn a roof top.

"There they are, Tick!" Arthur twisted in midair.

"Stop those ducks of defilement!" The Tick shouted as he flew through the air coming to a shattering landing on the next rooftop.

"Tick wait, think rationally about this. We have to find out who these people-ducks work for. Let's follow them."

"Good gracious, that's a marvelous brainstorm. You my friend have inherited my intelect, my ingeniunuity, hone your abilitys and someday you may surpass me on the giant ladder of 'smartness'." The Tick shouted as he leapt into the air next to Arthur.

"Uh-thanks Tick, I guess."

'No thanks are nessecary chum." The Tick came to a halt at the top of the building overlooking a large highway. "Good gracious we're all out of buildings, how will we get by? I know Arthur we can make more, quick get some cement, we can make buildings so we can catch the fowl perpetrators of these foul acts of mayhem!"

"Tick! We can't make more buildings!"

"Why not? All out of cement too? We will have to improvise , oh we can use big rocks!"

"No,no,no Tick no rocks, no cement!"

"Then what can we use?!"

"Look a helicopter!" Arthur pointed.

"Arthur you your head we can't use a helicopter to make buildings!"

"No Tick we can use it to follow the ducks and bring them to justice."

"Great thinking chum!" The Tick shouted "I'll get it down.Hey you up there! Come down here we need your twirling engine of propulsion to fight the never ending battle of good vs.the not so good!"

"Tick that's not going to..." Arthur began,"Oh no it's falling it's going to hit us!"

"Don't worry chum. Helicopters only fall on one armed one-armed doctors on NBC, watch I'll stand right here and it will miss me." The Tick put his hands on his hip and stared up at the falling helicoptor.The helicoptor slammed onto The TIck who stood in the wreckage as if nothing happened.

"Well I guess I was wrong." The Tick stooped to check the helicoptor,"Oh no 'choppers' flwon by ducks what has the world come to?!" The Tick said holding a duck in his arms.

"Quack qua-ak-quack,Quaaaaack!" The duck flew out of The Ticks arms and into the boundless horizen of The City.

"There goes our duck Tick."

The Tick sat in the wreckage weaving back and forth singing, "_Oh my duckling, Oh my duckling, oh my duckling Clementine you are lost and gone forever oh my duckling clementine..._"


	3. Chapter 3: Enter the Human Bullet

"...dreadful sorry Clementine... Oh my duckling..."

"Tick, what's the matter with you? Snap- snap out of it!"

"What happened to the Tick." a silver and gold shape shouted as it plummetted to the building. It crashed and a grayish gold man stumbled across the roof.

"It's the Human Bullet! Look Tick!" Arthur steadied the stumbling man.

"Hi-h-h-hiiiiiiiii!" the Tick sang, "Here for you!" he said extending a broken chopper blade.

"Thanks." The Human Bullet set the blade aside and looked at the large blue man quizically.

"A helicopter fell on him." Arthur sighed.

"Darned billed brothers! Always throwing aircraft where you can't throw aircraft. There should be a no-throw-aircraft-zone, Arthur! We need to know where we can throw our helicopters!" Tick said, "Be sure to talk to the Mayor about that query."

"Tick! Get up it time to rescue The City!"

"Rescue! City! Ducks! Hockey sticks and ducks! To action! All lovers of pure, safe, family oriented, and non-poultry justice to action!" The Tick bounded off the roof. And slammed into the street below with a ear shattering bang!

"Let's go!" Arthur prepared to fly.

"Wait! Fire me boy isn't present! I can't go anywhere!" Human Bullet touched his gold plated head.

"Hold on to me! I can fly." Arthur shouted, "Tick! We're coming!"

"Arthur I have information!" Human Bullet shouted as they glided to the ground below.

"What do you have?" the Tick said touching his antennae.

"As I was flying into The City I saw the Ducks Base of Operations..."

"What was it like?"

"Not pretty, Hockey stick weilding ducks everywhere. About a hundred white ducks and 10 black ducks, they were split into factions. The ducks were obviously the leaders."

"E gad, hordes of ducks bent on the decimation of the ever-unknowing City! They must be stopped. Do their foolish, 'foulish' deeds know no bounds!"

"We will have to mount an immense attack on the Fowl fortress to stop them. TO do that we will have to summon all the heroes of The City." the Human Bullet rumbled.

"...and then some." Arthur mummered.


	4. Chapter 4:Glorious Gallantry and Heroics

"Glorious gallantry and heroics!" The Tick exclaimed, "So many faces, so many people, Heroes all of them! What a cool, collossal coalition of Champions of The City and Elsewhere!"

"Okay." Arthur struggled to redirect the meeting after Tick's characterist nonsensical outburst.

"Oh, I think I can handle this," Die Fledermaus stepped in. "We've come together because a flock, or whatever, of geese..."

"Ducks!" Arthus interjected.

"Ducks have invaided the city," Die Fledermaus continued, " It is my proposal that we converge to combat these foul fiends..."

"I said that!" the Tick beemed with pride.

"We should fight them the death-no, not death. Well at least until someone miraculously stops them or finds a way to reach some sort of peaceful compromise that of course hilights my contribution to the situation." Die Fledermaus unveiled a poster featuring himself as the leader of City's legion of Heroes.

"You always were one for selfengrandizement!" a large man an "M" on his chest stepped up.

"Who's that?" the Tick asked.

"Marvelous Guy from Elsewhere!" was Arthur's response.

"Where _is _Elsewhere?" Tick was incredlous.

"Well just north, no south, west? East? No one really knows where actually. It's just "Elsewhere."

"Okay." The Tick shrugged and bounded onto the stage and hunder the large man. "Welcome to our city, The City. My brother in heroics, friend in daring-dos, Comrade Champion: Marvelous Guy!"

Marvelous Guy struggled against the embrace of the Mighty Tick, when he could escape he appeared crestfallen.

"As I was saying, you do not seem to be fit for the job, Die Fledermaus!" Marvelous Guy said ignoring the Tick's embrace.

"And I suppose _you are_?"

"Well now that you suggest it, I wouldn't fight it if it is the wishes of the people."

"I think Tick should be the leader!" Arthur exclaimed to the surprise of everyone in the room.

"We have to choose now!" the Tick exclaimed hoisting Die Fledermaus on one shoulder and Marvelous Guy onto his other. The Tick collapsed trying to sit on his own shoulders.

"Excuse me, I think I should add a point of knowledge to this congregation." a new voice came in. At the podium was not a hero, not a champion, not a man or woman.

It was a duck.


	5. Chapter 5: I wouldn't want to be Rude

"So," Die Fledermaus sighed, "who's job was it to close the door to the 'Top Secret Meeting Places of Eath's Greatest Heroes.'"

"I actually think we should not have put that on the big neon sign outside of the building." Arthur began, "It doesn't really-" relenting to the gaze of everyone in the room Arthur gave up, "It was the Tick's job."

"UNGH!" was the reaction of everyone in the room."

"And Who was supposed to guard the doors?" American Maid turned to Die Fledermaus.

"Well- I-I subcontracted..."

"What?" American Maid advanced on him.

"I gave the job to-to..."

"WHO?" Everyone asked.

"Big Shot." everyone turned to the burly man standing by the doors with a skull on his belt.

"What happened Big Shot?" Die Fledermaus redirected everyone's anger, "How did you miss him." He pointed to the Duck.

"I didn't."

"You didn't shoot him either."

"I've told you I don't carry g-g-gun's anymore, I've put those dreadful days of violence behind me." Big Shot looked at the duck, "I tried to tell that we could resolve this dispute peacefully but he just kept on walking."

The Tick began to tap Die Fledermaus on the shoulder.

"Well I think you made a real mess of this situation." Die Fledermaus ignored the Tick, "If I had been on guard duty this would not have happened!"

"You were on guard duty, but you managed to mess it up just like everything else." American Maid shouted.

"Ohhh, not this again!" Die Fledermaus moaned. "If you weren't such a perfectionist maybe you'd be okay with what I've done." The Tick continued to tap his shoulder and started tapping American Maid's shoulder too.

"What you've done?" American Maid rolled her eyes, "Tell me what have you done for me lately... I mean The City. "

"Oh come on Guys..." The Tick moaned.

"WHAT IS IT TICK!" the whole room cried.

"I think the Duck wants to talk." Tick said swinging his finger around to point knocking down multiple heroes as he spun. "Oops."

"I'm sorry for barging in on you meeting." The duck spoke in an aristocratic English acccent, "I wouldn't want to be _RUDE!"_

Surprised by all the blank expressions staring at him the Duck was taken aback.

"I'm sorry I just felt I wasn't accorded the proper respect when I entered the room. In all of my past criminal exploits I have never been so blatantly ignored before. Common SuperHero-Villain etiquette dictates that when the Villain - or 'Bad Guy' enters the Hero must give him, or her, the proper attention. I feel I was not given the respect I deserve." The Duck had his feathered hand pressed against his chest, "NOW, what do you have to say for yourselves?"

The room was silent, but one by one the heroes spoke.

"I really am so very, very sorry." the Human Bullet said shooting his words quickly.

"So sorry, Mr. Duck." Big Shot lowered his head.

"Sorry." Die Fledermaus fainted.

"I apologize." Arthur sighed.

"SPOON!" the Tick shouted.


	6. Chapter 6: Well, Good Luck with That

After a long awkward moment of silence, the Tick charged the duck with one of his enormous bounds. Hands clawing at the air in attempt to snatch the bird from the podium, he slammed head first into a unseen barrier and slid to the floor landing on and awakening Die Fledermaus. Had it not been for his nigh invulnerability he would have been down for the count. The force field protecting the duck took a orange hue and became clearly visible against the dull walls.

"EH, I think we have to show these ones who's boss, Man." a duck with a Jamaican voice emerged from the woodworks holding what seemed to be a glowing feather.

"Yes, well put." the English Duck said.

"Holy force fields and feathers, Arthur! This is truely a colorful conundrum!" The Tick mused from the floor.

"Somebody takes his feather!" Die Fledermaus shouted as he retreated to safety behind his cape.

"GOT IT!" the Tick lunged and plucked a handful of blue feathers from the Jamaican duck's rear.

"Wrong feather Tick." Arthur sighed, "We've gone over this Tick. Over and over! If you see something glowing or floating or spinnning or basically doing something out of the ordinary that's what you grab!"

"But..." the Tick began.

"I think a glowing feather emitting a force field counts as being out of the ordinary." Marvelous Guy from Elsewhere spoke up, flexing his tremendous muscles.

"Yeah, but when the guy on the screen had the big blue sword and I grabbed it like any good hero would they kicked us out of the theatre!" Tick protested.

"That was a movie Tick!" Arthur covered his face with his hands, "I'm tired of trying to help you differentiate reality from fiction! Movies are fiction. This is reality."

"Ohhhhh." the Tick feigned comprehension while idly poking at the force field, which momentary changed colors in response to his touch. When it changed the field seemed to weaken visibly.

"I understand you opinion of us." the British duck mused, " But I assure you we are more than common crooks, much more..."

The Tick slapped at the force field causing it swing and sway, he began to bounce it between his hands.

"We... stop that..." the Duck watched as the Tick played with the force field.

"Sorry."

"We... first off from you postures I know what you're thinking: here comes the inevitable moment when I brag about me brilliant plan and you get a chance to take advantage of my splintered attention so you can save the day. Right?"

"Well it had crossed our minds." Marvelous Guy rumbled.

"Yes, I must admit it seemed the most logical choice and judging from past experiences I was sure it would work." Arthur admitted shyly.

"Well it ain't gonna happen!" the Jamaican duck shouted.

"Pardon my companion's slang, but he speaks the truth. We are more than common criminals. More than the greatest of villains also. You must understand that the robberies were just a necessary operation to fund our true goals."

"And what is that?" Marvelous Guy swelled with pride that only a hero possesses.

"The complete and utter takeover of The City!" The Duck projected an image on the wall of a utopian society for 'duck-kind', "We will conquer this misguided attempt at civilization and rebrand it: Duckopolis!"

"So you mean to take over _The City?_" Marvelous Guy asked.

"Indeed."

"Then this is no business of Elsewhere's. Let's move out!"

"Wait you can't leave us, they are going to take our homes!" Arthur protested.

the Heroes of Elsewhere filed out of the building led by Marvelous Guy who turned to the Tick and Arthur, "Well, good luck with that."


	7. Chapter 7: We're off to see the Blizzard

"It occurs to me that our intentions may seem completely random to you. So in all fairness I do owe you an explanation. We hail from a planet known as Duckopolis Alpha, it has been a bastion for duck-kind for centuries on end."

"Seems like a great place! Why don't you go back?" Die Fledermaus asked as he cleared the way to the door.

"We cannot!" the Jamcaican duck snapped.

"My Carribean-esque companion is correct. Duckopoilis Alpha has been seized by the Frosties!"

"The Frosties?" Arthur was growing impatient with the series of new developments that seemed to prolong a situation that should have already been resolved, "Really we have to finish this quick otherwise this is going to be an hour-long episode."

Questioning glances hit Arthur like a pile of bricks.

"It is uncouth to break the fourth wall, bunny-man!" the British duck remarked.

"Moth!"

"The question you were going to ask before you went off on a tangent was: 'What or Who, per se, are the Frosties?' Am I right?"

"He's good!" the Tick laughed, "What a great villain to help me climb the ladder of 'Great-osity'"

"Well?"

"The Frosties are horrid creatures! Ice cream men from the great beyond. Duckopolis had never been so besieged by a food related enemy before!"

"I don't see why you came here!"

"We Ducks are the last remnants of the ducks who escaped Duckopolis Alpha. It is our job to continue the greatness of the ducks!"

"You can't just take our homes! That would make you just like the Frosties!"

"Yes, Mothman, I grasp the irony. But I have no choice."

"If we free Duckopolis Alpha will you leave us alone?" Arthur pleaded.

"Well that sounds like a fair compromise. Though it sounds outrageous and arburd."

"Welcome to The City, that's just how we do things." Die Fledermaus sighed.

"Who will return our planet from the grasps of the Frosties?"

"Do-doo-do!" the Tick imitated a superhero theme from tv, "That is my job! The Tick, defender of The City and all that is in the spirit of 'Goodness', will save your home from the Frosties! Now are they popsicles or Ice Cream Cones?"

"Cones, Blue One." the Jamaican Duck sputtered.

"Soft serve or the kind you scoop out from a cardboard bucket?"

"Soft Serve of course!" the Brit said indignantly. "You must defeat their leader, The Blizzard.

"Yum!" the Tick licked his lips.

"Be aware if you do not deliver The City is ours!"

"How will we get Tick to Duckopolis Alpha?" Arthur wondered.

"Got it!" Die Fledermaus and Big Shot were dragging a large clown by the arms into the room.

"Proto-Clown!" all the heroes gasped.

"Ha-ha-haaaaaaa!" The Tick was uncontrollable in his laughter.

With one mighty blow Proto-Clown rocketed Tick it outer space and towards Duckopolis Alpha. With a head full of courage and a hungry stomach the Tick headed to face a horde of militant Ice Cream Cones.

Spiraling into space The Tick shouted, "We're off to see the Blizzard!"


	8. Chapter 8: A gooey, slimy cold

Ducks with hockeysticks lined the streets, each feathered soldier eyed the dwindling crowds. As afternoon faded into night the heroes of The City sat huddled in Arthur's apartment.

Arthur placed a bowl of chips on the table, "If you were able to bring Proto-Clown into the mix, why didn't you use him against the ducks?"

"That was poor judgement on my part." Die Fledermaus muttered glancing out the window at the Civic Minded Five trying to subdue Proto-Clown under the careful watch of a number of feathered sentries.

"The Duck's have declared Martial Law in The City." Mayor Blank said on the television, "The Tick has been sent into space. All in all, I would say things are not so great." he chuckled.

"That was Mayor Blank on the Duck invasion. On a lighter note, before we flee and while the Tick is in space floating like a butterfly and stinging like a bee, let us look back on The Beatles..." Arthur cut off the TV the mulptiple allusions to insects made is head spin.

MEANWHILE

In the deep dark expanse of space The Tick flew towards the Ducks home planet. A burning sensation similar to what one would experience if they were standing in an oven with a rising soufle overcame the Tick. Seeing Duckopolis Alpha in the distance a fireball surrounded him.

"The great blue crusader enters the atmosphere of the strange planet not sure of his future but ready to combat all forces of evilness and '_Baditude'_" The Tick's antennae moved as if typing on a computer, "Soon the Frosties will meet their match, soon they will no the greatness of The City's Champion, soon they will do battle with one of Earth's mightiest defenders. Soon they will face The Tick! Nifty narrations eh?"

Crashing the heat faded into cold. A gooey, slimy cold.

"Good gravy! I've landed on ice cream" The Tick sat atop on of the Frostie Footsoldiers. "One down, who knows how many to go! Ain't 'Superhero-y' grand?" He dusted the ice cream off and took a bite out of the waffle cone he had crushed.

"Intruder!" a phalanx of Frosties spotted the Tick, when the spoke Ice crystals floated in front of their faces.

With a lick of his lips the Tick hurled into action,"Ice Cream Men! What madness!" the Tick slurped at the evil frozen delicacy.

"The Horror!" one of the soldiers ran as Tick munched on the Ice Cream.

"Hngry though I am I cannot keep eating soldiers! It is unbecoming!" the Tick shouted. Grabbing one of the soldiers by the leg he hurled him off the planet. "Yes this works nicely." he thought as he flung one cone after the other. Walking across the planet while flinging ice cream, the Tick grew bored. "Gee I hope the head of the Ice Cream Cones provides more of a challenge. As if the Blizzard had heard him and responded in turn by placing his palace closer, the Tick reached the Ice Cream Palace.

"Blizzard, I am the Tick! Come out a meet me! Because I am the Tick! By the way I'm the Tick." he shouted.

The palace shook and rose off its foundation to stand on large legs. The Ice Cream Palace was in fact not a palace but the Blizzard himself. He was a large cup with soft frostie Ice Cream loaded with all kinds of candies and treats.

"Groovy stuff, chum." The Tick said as if Arthur were right beside him. Grabbing an Ice Cream Cone and using as a megaphone he shouted, "Leave this place peacefully or face The Tick!"

A spray of Ice Cream answered the Tick who leaped out of the way.

"Thank heavens, what a bountiful villain I have been accorded." the Tick grabbed the Blizzards knee and squeezed.

"No one hurts the great Blizzard. No one can conquer the Blizzard."

"Must have a neopolitan complex." the Tick climbed to the stomach of the Blizzard. "Must eat Ice Cream, or the planet will flood." He shivered at the thought of the ducks living in a see of vanilla and chocolate. "Why are you doing this?" the Tick wanted to give him one last chance.

"We are Frosties, conquers of worlds! This is what we do!" the Blizzard flicked the Tick into the air.

"Not on my great blue watch!" the Tick shouted from above. He aimed for the delicious ice cream and landed on a large red candy. "Time to meet your make not Blue Bell, but the great Blue Bug of Justice: The Tick!"

With one large gulp the Tick finished the Blizzard's long reign over Duckopolis. Sitting in the empty cup that was one the Blizzard the Tick muttered, "I know it looks like I killed him but don't worry he's still alive. Don't ask me how that just how these things work. Before returning to Earth he took a long nap free of ice cream and ducks.

LATER THAT DAY.

Back home the Tick and Arthur saw the last of the Duck's head for their home planet, "You're welcome to visit anytime."

"Yes, my little chum is right, any time you want you may return, my feathered friends." the Tick said, "Just don't try to take over."

"Yes, I must thank you for your kindness and understanding." the Bristish duck said and pointed the jamaican fowl, "Toussaint has opted to stay. He met a nice Earth duck."

Toussaint the Jamaican Duck grinned and waddled into the distance.

As the Duck's left the Tick hugged Arthur, "I think we've learned a great lesson, behind every great man is a great woman, and behind every duck is an army of evil ice cream cones! Or something like that" he shrugged.

"Where do think the Frosties ended up, Tick?"

"Hmmm..."

IN ELSEWHERE

An army of Ice Cream Cones surrounded the heroes of Elsewhere who were gathered in the center of Elsewhere.

"What are you doing?"

"We the Frosties are now taking over the city of Elsewhere!"

"Maybe we should helped the Tick." one of the heroes sighed.

"Kind of anti-climatic don't you think?" Marvelous Guy sighed.

THE END


End file.
